Letter From Kelson - Week # 85 - I swear I will never touch the pie again MOMMY!!!

Good Morning From Sunny California!!!

Lets just get to the good stuff, this whole beating around the bush to make this e-mail much longer and full of more enjoyment just makes things harder for the other missionaries to write their lovely families and fan clubs. I am feeling extraordinarily charitable right now which is why I am cutting to the chase, and leaving all of my usual antics at the door. Aren't you glad I told you?  Otherwise you would have been wondering if I was feeling ok, or if I was having a rough week, or even if I wasn't expecting to ever hear from you again. That would have been super depressing, to never hear from you again...I think I might actually shed a tear, but only one...I can't spare any tears, I have to save those for when my first born child wins the Nobel prize for being born. 
This week was pretty relaxed, but also pretty crazy. We had zone training and Elder Allred and I got to train the zone on how to be better missionaries.  Funny, I learned a whole lot more than I was teaching. I think if I were to try and learn all this on my own and not try and train others I would be severely lower in my understanding of how to bring the Spirit into a lesson. We did these things called Real Plays, or Role plays for those people outside the California Sacramento mission. In these real plays there was stumbling, there was laughs and there was a great amount of learning found to be had in all sectors of our training. I love getting to learn and help other learn. I think it might be one of my favorite past-times, up there with DDR and Eating... not baseball though, that belongs to America and I don't even think I want to try and have America's favorite past-time under my belt.
Have I got a story for you!  I want you to imagine the many things that you have ever put into your refrigerator and then think about how long it has been there. With that interlude, please continue to read.
I went out to the world to teach them about Jesus Christ. There was a sick missionary staying in our apartment, and we asked them to clean out the fridge while we were gone. There were a ton of Thanksgiving leftovers that we were unable to eat because we have been doing the 40 day fast thing, and we also keep forgetting they are in there...Thus why the things in the refrigerator turned into my sophomore science projects. Anyway, we asked them to clean it out and they did. YAY!!! Clean Fridge! When they cleaned out the fridge, they left a lemon cream pie out on the counter top; I think it might have been wanting to go back into the fridge.  I think I might have even heard its little voice crying out for some relief from the room temperature zombies, but alas, we did not return him to the fridge. Well, this pie was just sitting there and as he began to sit there in his solitude he felt it necessary to go through a whole emotional break down and become a Psychotic pie! One who just loves to torture those who forgot to come to his rescue and left him stranded with the room temperature zombies.
Elder Wheeler came home from a long hard day of work, he was hungry, and he saw that there was some good looking pie on the counter top!!! YUM!!! PIE!!!
*Just so you know, Elder Wheeler is a sucker for pies... Especially Dutch Apple
Elder Wheeler indulged in the tempting delicious pie, but when he took a bite he noticed that it had turned sour, Eww!!! Sour PIE!!! I put it back in the fridge to ferment some more and for another missionary to come along and eat it, or turn it into my junior science project. After a nice glass of Hot Cocoa, because it is pretty chilly here now, I went to bed.
____ 4 Hours LATER!!! _____
SHin GEe DUAH!! (Hmong for Good Bye) Food!!!
Everything that Elder Wheeler ate that day came right back out the tunnel that they originally went in to stay...I guess that party inside this Elder was lame and they were trying everything they could to leave the party.  They had no regard for the feelings of others. They just wanted to get the heck out of dodge. Well, that made for a very interesting morning. I don't know who you are, but food poisoning is not fun. Then Sunday came and I was going to church and trying to keep whatever I had inside me and not all over the inside of the chapel. I made it through and now I feel better. I have since become better and I have no need for your sympathies or worries, so stop saying "OMGoodness Elder Wheeler is dying" , or "I feel so sorry for him", but if you must give in to those feeling, you can send me a Christmas/Get well soon package at 8267 Deseret Avenue, Fair Oaks, California, 95628.  No need to hold back on those ;)!
I promise I will never eat Lemon Creme Pie again! I have learned my lesson and I will just stick to my Dutch Apple... Hint Hint Wink Wink!!! ;)
Love ya and have a Merry Christmas, until Tuesday!
Elder Wheeler
P.s. Mom!!! I love you, but I really need you to go over my typos and highlight them in red, so everyone knows how much of a screw up your son was in his high school English class. In shorter terms... TYPOS!!!!


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