Posts

Showing posts from January, 2014

Letter From Kelson - Week # 92 - Mormon Movers - We will call the Missionaries!

Good Morning From Sunny California!!! It is Tuesday again! Aren't you tired yet of these Tuesday e-mails? I know I am, I want my P-day to be on Monday, that is where it belongs and it should forever stay there, for if it didn't I would have to become acclimated to something new and that just throws a monkey wrench into all of my plans causing mass chaos and a very unhappy camper, and by camping I mean staying in a members home while they allow me to do missionary work. Which brings me to the news that you are all waiting for. Because I am writing on a Tuesday, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I am being transferred, but it is also the Bad news...Well I may need to make up my mind later, but right now I am moving to a new area, in which I will become a Missionary Legend and then I will hang the tag up for a season. Now, I am not excited about this fact, but it is the inevitable. I can either face it like a man and let it come, but work my hardest, or I…

Letter From Kelson - Week #91 - Infomercial!! Infomercial!! Infomercial!!

Good Morning From Sunny California!!!

Hey you! 
Are you tired of the same old boring soap?! Are you tired of having to pay expensive prices for soap that only kills 99.99% of bacteria?! Are you ready for something that is going to blow the dirt right out of your pores?! 
TRY BAPTISM!!!  With our new patented technology, you can have more than your physical dirt washed away, but your inner dirt too!!! Here are some testimonials about this great product:
"I remember my baptism, it was a nice cool evening and there were so many people. When I went down into the water it was almost as if the care and sorrow that was in my life was removed from my life and I was forgiven. It was the most amazing feeling I have ever had and I would recommend this product everywhere I go, because I know how happy it will make you." - Anonymous
"When I was baptized I was just a little boy, but I remember just looking up into the eyes of the ordained priesthood holder who I adored so much and thought …

Letter From Kelson - Week # 90 - Fun is my Chinese neighbors middle name!

Good Morning From Sunny California!!! I am having a blast!! I love my mission sooooooo much!!! Let me tell you why! This past week we were able to have all sorts of good times! I loved it; there was not a moment of this past week where I wasn't just filled with the utmost joy. I think this is what the Celestial Kingdom is going to feel like. Wait I might have had one or two bad moments, however, those don't count because those moments were quickly ostracized and beaten for their unfortunateness. We don't like down thoughts and non-fun moments, although they make the fun moments better, hum... Maybe they can stay, but they need to sit in the back of the brain. Since they are sitting in the back of the brain, I will continue with the good stuff that made this week so FUN!!! It started off with a super awesome training by "Yours Truly" and his companion, of course. We trained on goal setting, and JOY!!! I love Joy!!!  Thus, Fun and Joy are synonymous with one anoth…

Letter From Kelson - Week #89 - Order!, Order!, Court is Now in Session!!!

Image
Good Morning From Sunny California!!! As I sit down to write this e-mail I am puzzled to be staring into a blank state of mind in which I am trying to come up with something truly witty and entertaining that will not only Wow the unsuspecting visitor to these e-mails, but send a shock of enjoyment through the cerebral cortex of the already entranced and addicted viewers of these overly exaggerated and mind bogglingly detailed messes of many words that seem like they are too overbearing for the casual reader. I must say that these increasingly difficult to understand e-mails come from the lack of intelligence of the writer and his use of a thesaurus so that his readers feel as if they are reading a dissertation of a college professor who is filling his paper with big words so that those who are reading his paper are so engrossed in his vocabulary that they just glaze over the actual content and forget exactly what their purpose in exploring the ink on this page really was....Well read…

Letter from Kelson - Week # 88 - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! again...(not Hmong this time)

Good Morning From Sunny California!!!

It is 2014!!! Who is excited??!!! I know that I am! this means that I survived 2013 and will continue to make it through for another year. There are quite a few people who didn't survive 2013 though, I want to take a moment of silence for my late companions and friends, Elders: Nethercott, Cheney, Baryshnikov, Lawrence, Allred.... In loving memory, please rest in peace. I wish I could have spoken at your funeral this year, however, it never came time for me to speak. You all left so suddenly and then I was left with a blank stare on my face. I guess I will see you on the other side, one of these days. It is time to stop mourning and to look towards the future, I never know when my time will come so I must live it up!!! Work every day like it is my last, so that's what is going to happen. It is now 2014 and with that comes New Year's resolutions...anyone make any? Are they cool, lame, exciting, hard, outlandish, obtainable, just utterly…