Letter From Kelson - Week #89 - Order!, Order!, Court is Now in Session!!!
Good Morning From Sunny California!!!
As I sit down to write this e-mail I am puzzled to be staring into a blank state of mind in which I am trying to come up with something truly witty and entertaining that will not only Wow the unsuspecting visitor to these e-mails, but send a shock of enjoyment through the cerebral cortex of the already entranced and addicted viewers of these overly exaggerated and mind bogglingly detailed messes of many words that seem like they are too overbearing for the casual reader. I must say that these increasingly difficult to understand e-mails come from the lack of intelligence of the writer and his use of a thesaurus so that his readers feel as if they are reading a dissertation of a college professor who is filling his paper with big words so that those who are reading his paper are so engrossed in his vocabulary that they just glaze over the actual content and forget exactly what their purpose in exploring the ink on this page really was....Well reader, have you forgotten what your purpose of reading this e-mail is??? If so I will tell you in one sentence. Your Purpose is to make sure Elder Wheeler isn't dead in a gutter somewhere because of his crazy antics and weird quirky mannerisms! That is a pretty legit purpose! I wish that was my purpose, but it seems mine is a bit more complicated.
My Purpose is to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the Restored Gospel, through Faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, Repentance, Baptism, Receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost and Enduring to the End!...Phew, I almost ran out of breath writing that down. I love my purpose; it is fun. There are so many people who just need the gospel and the blessings that come from living close to our Father in Heaven. One thing that I am learning how to do as a missionary is to simplify things to the very basics and trying to fit the essentials of a 45 min lesson into a 3-5 min lesson with a commitment and allowing the Spirit to teach the rest. It seems super hard, but there was once a really smart guy who said:
"It is true intelligence for a man to take a subject that is mysterious and great in itself, and to unfold and simplify it so that a child can understand" - President John Taylor
These are great words from a prophet of the Living God and I guess I must try and become truly intelligent, instead of trying to use big words and cause all who heed my words to be confused because of the words that are written or spoken. As you can see from the beginning of my e-mail, I have a long way to go, but I am working hard to make things become simple to all who hear my words. It will be difficult, but heck, all the most difficult things are always worth it in the end.
Now for all those who are wondering about my title, I guess I will tell you. I have decided that my true intelligence has led me down the path of becoming a lawyer and I want all of you to know that I will be prosecuting all the criminals in California, causing a huge amount of justice to become part of our everyday lives and making all things that are unfair here to become fair again...
Bwahhhhh!!!! Sorry, I couldn't help myself, you should have seen your jaws drop to the ground when you thought I was serious... I just wish I had a camera to take a picture of that face and then be able to post it all over Facebook. The actual reason behind this title is very simple, I received mail this week and within this mail there was a letter, and on that letter were words, and within those words was ink, and within that ink were the molecules of water and some other substances that make up ink, and within those molecules are atoms of some kind, and at the center of those atoms was a nucleus, and at the center of that nucleus was something so truly amazing that I believe it should be simply stated with a quick statement. I was called for Jury Duty... I now have to go online and tell them that I can not fulfill this civic duty because of my occupation and since I really am not a resident of California I can't be on the jury. I guess I have some of the best luck in the world, I wish the lottery would come my way, the same way the jury summons did. Except I wouldn't want to win the lottery, I wouldn't know what to do with it.
That is about it this week, our mission is planning on baptizing 801 people in 2014, so be sure to keep praying for that goal as we are. This is going to happen, and this year is going to be legit! I can't believe that it is 2014 and that I get to be a part of this great hastening of the Lord's work. I guess I'll need to just work as hard as I possibly can, that way I make up for the part of the year that I don't get to help out as much as I would like.
p.s. Mother!!! Typos please!! Thanks!