Letter From Kelson - Week #99 - CATCH THAT LEPRECHAUN!!!, HE STOLE MY WALLET!!!

Good Morning From Sunny California!!!

It is annual find a Leprechaun and make him give you all his money, and then get drunk and stay conscious for as long as you can DAY!!!! I love this day of the year.  The reason you may ask?  Well I love it because everyone wears my color all day and if you don't wear my color you get pinched hardcore....Now if you ask Zac Reed what happens on this day, I don't know if he remembers that one March 17th when Elder Wheeler was not wearing green, he pinched me rather hard in the back, and I was a poor sport about it...So I turned around and clocked him in the chest... well lets just say that we stopped being friends for the whole span of health class and then we made up and are friends still...I hope xD

I also love this day because it falls on a P-day which means I get to write a cool letter home about how the work is going and I can do it in Green Writing and get away with it!!! Mwahh!!!!!! Take that everyone, now you will have an eternal headache as you read this e-mail!!!!!

This past week has been pretty cool, my companion Elder Anderson, is from the Matrix and he has escaped from the said Matrix, but he is super funny. We laugh and joke all day; he is very humble and open to learn all sorts of things that will help him be a better missionary. Not only that, but he is helping me to stay focused by making sure we are always working, planning, looking forward to the future and doing what is best for the area, mission and zone. It is pretty legit. I think that if I could have had anyone else I would have said forget it!!! This Elder is my companion!!! :P We work very well together, I need to work on letting him talk more, but I think that once he gets over the initial shock of doing YSA work instead of Family ward work, he will be right as rain and we will be a force to be reckoned with...Although we already are one of those, it shows my humility... We made a breakthrough in missionary technology this past week. We learned that if you start off the conversation when you contact people with "would you like a card" people just say NO, but if you ask them a question about themselves, like "do you believe in God", or about something that they are doing, it removes the awkward and replaces it with great opportunities to share. We have also learned that if we talk to these people as if they are long lost friends, then they are more receptive to our message...but it isn't like we are faking it though, we did meet a long time ago in the Pre-existence far away. I guess we are long lost friends!

I have a story I would like to share with you, and I hope you enjoy your headache and migraine from this obnoxious color that I have chosen to write in... ow, my head is starting to hurt too

We were walking into the store today, just trying to buy the usual, you know Birthday cards, mouthwash (for when I say bad words), Altoids, hand sanitizer,  and maybe the occasional nick knack that you just so happen to walk into a store not realizing you are going to buy it until you have it in your hands and checking out before you realize you really don't need it and are now wasting like 4 dollars on something you will never use again. Yeah it was a normal P-day, well except for this minor detail, it is Saint Patrick's day, which means there are Leprechauns out running around leading people to pots of Gold and making missionaries rich!!! While I was shopping I was looking all around for this little small guy dressed in all green and smoking a small pipe, I wanted to be a millionaire from all of the gold I would find at the end of his rainbow. I used my Private Investigator skills to find his rainbow, so when I walked in to Target, I went right for the candy isle, because everyone knows that between the Skittles and the Starburst section in every grocery store there is a small hidden door to the Fairytale land of Delicious Colors!! And if you can make it to that door, when a Leprechaun enters, you can follow right behind him and gain entrance into this new found place of amazingly delicious and colorfully crazy treats that will make you more wealthy than Billy Maze and infomercials. As I turned the corner, there he was.  My short little ticket into the Fairytale land of Delicious Colors. I ran as fast as I could, but because of the dramatized need for a good story, just imagine me running towards the door like Megan Fox in the transformers movie, just with more clothes on and much more dramatic because I am a missionary with great acting skills ;) Finally after about 5 mins of moving in slow motion and having all of the people in the Target isles just looking at me with puzzled amazement and question marks floating above their heads because they had no idea why I was purposefully running in slow motion to move 12 inches to the imaginary door that only I could see, because Fairytale land can only be beheld by believers in crazy stuff, I arrived at this door and with a swing of my hips and a short chant of "Leprechaun skadoo we can too!!!" I jumped into the door to the land of my dreams. When I arrived inside, I had to move quickly.  My 5 min slow-mo scene took up too much time and the foot prints that the Leprechaun had left were fading...I had little to no time to look around and enjoy this childhood dream now fulfilled after 20 long years of coming to this point and missing it because of my slow-mo time... (I finally got my slow-mo time to about 5 min so that the door wouldn't close on me), I started running running running like a constipated weiner dog, and I caught up to the Leprechaun, I finally did it!!! I was soo excited, I don't think I had ever done a victory dance quite like that one... I think it lasted longer than the 5 min that I slow-moed it to the door. Finally when it was done the Leprechaun asked me a small but very direct question...

"What do you want?" - with a puzzling face of, I can't believe I just watched that pathetic dance and have to now wait for you to tell me how I can get you to let me go-

"I forgot what I had come for, I remembered the stories of Gold and candy and riches, but I didn't think he would actually ask me what I wanted, I thought he would just give it to me, you know like a ceremony---

*enter dream space*

Walking down the isle of a palace with people bowing down to the one who caught the king leprechaun and then as I walk down the red carpet the leprechaun has two of the most beautiful leprechauns, girls that is, pull back the big red curtains that hide his treasure, then I jump into the big pile and start to swim through my spoils...

*exiting dream space*

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!" Exclaimed the Leprechaun as he watch me looking off in the distance with a face of wonder and awe. 

"Your pot of Gold...Duh!!!" 

in a very less dramatic way he hands me this kettle that would have water in it for brewing tea, then he says "look inside" and as I look I find myself looking into an empty pot with a bunch of paper with the letters AU written all over it.  

Please excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep...

*Elevator music playing and all you hear are loud sobs of loneliness and deep disappointment.*

I left that land with a heavy heart, not knowing what I was going to do with the rest of my life. My longest life goal and ambition had come to a very less dramatic and happy ending, and now I was left with this terribly stupid kettle, not even a pot, of paper with the element symbol of Gold on it and a pack of Skittles, I can still taste the Rainbow. I cried the whole way to the checkout, when as I reached back to pull out my wallet to pay for of all the useless stuff I just bought I came to the most horrendous truth... THAT LEPRECHAUN STOLE MY WALLET!!! Now I have to wait 365 more days to go back to that place a retrieve what was stolen.... I now have a new mission on St. Patrick's day, find that Leprechaun and Read him in Exodus the 8th commandment... THOU SHALT NOT STEAL!!!! ugh, well I guess I learned my lesson. Never trust a leprechaun with money or gold.

Have a wonderful St. Patties day!!!!

Love ya,

Elder Wheeler

p.s. Mom, please don't change the text coloring, and Please correct my typos!!!! Love ya!!!

Editor's (Mom's) Note:  Sorry about any missed typos in the above nonsense.  My eyes could only take so much.  Enjoy!