Letter From Kelson - Week # 97 - A-....Oooo Shiny,D-......Squirrel!!, D
Good Morning From Sunny California!!!
Have I told you that I may suffer from a minor case of the life destroying, grade killing, maybe even friendship ending addiction that brings many heart aches and pains to the life of those affected by it called...
ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER!!!!!!!! or ....
This past week was pretty good, we were able to see the baptism of a one Melissa G., who is pretty freakin' sweet if you ask everyone in the world. I don't know if she would approve of me saying this, but I want to congratulate her on her baptism and handling that baptismal font water LIKE A BOSS!!! She has a little fear of being pushed/submerged under water by other people and with baptism that is a very necessary requirement, being completely submerged in the water by someone holding the authority from God to do so. She sucked it up, she said "I am doing this thing! LEEEERRRROOOOOYYYYYY JEEENNNNKKKIIINSSS!!!" (all in her mind of course) and she went down into the water and came straight away out of the water as Jesus did and she was baptized into the Kingdom of God on the earth today! It was super awesome, and I think that she felt it too, because she was really glowing afterward. She was then confirmed a member of the church on Sunday and now she is a full-fledged member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, with all it's rights and privileges, plus callings and helping keep the missionaries fed each day. Isn't this the most wonderful blessings that could come!!! xD
The reason I tell you about this possible case of ADD is because I must say that this past week was one of the hardest to plan. Now I want you to imagine, a classroom full of kids, then imagine their desks are made out of that foam that you find in those tumble gyms, and then their chairs are made of silly putty that farts when you sit on it just right, and then on the inside of the desks are just bags and bags of sour patch kids that never seem to run out. Then on top of all of this I want you to understand that these kids don't get tummy aches, because these sour patch kids have been genetically altered to give them all the nutrients they need and they will never have to eat anything else again, and they will always enjoy them. Now with this picture securely fastened into your cerebral cortex and knocking around inside your noggin, I want you to try and imagine these kids trying to plan what they are going to do the next day. And by plan I mean make appointments, talk about areas they will be in, fulfill assignments received from the Branch Council and so forth.
* We interrupt this e-mail with a special report from Rancho Cordova*
There is rioting in the streets; kids are running crazy. It seems these kids are on an eternal sugar rush that will not quit because of the new NutriSour Sour Patch kids that have been distributed to every kid in the Sacramento valley. There are parents crying on the sidewalk, begging their children to calm down and behave, but it seems that all they can do is watch in horror as they are beaten by their children with their foamy desks and making inappropriate fart sounds with their chairs.
We talked with one of the parents of these delinquent kids and he told us his whole story.
I don't know what has come over my poor baby, she was so good yesterday and because she was, I went out and bought her some NutriSour Sour Patch Kids. I always want to reward my little girl and give her the things that she wants, but I didn't realize that she would turn into this gummy monster who just seems to be bouncing off the walls causing the living room to collapse around her. It almost seems like this candy is so good that it gives our children super strength and they are able to withstand anything. I know I shot my daughter with enough tranquilizers to level 4 giraffe's, 3 camels, and a moose! She is still going crazy!...*Sobs*
Thank you Susan,
As you can see there is no end to the horror that is still to come from this new breakthrough in candy technology. What is this world coming to Tom, and what will we do next? Back to you.
There you have it folks; Straight from the streets of Rancho Cordova, We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.
*Sorry for the interruption, please try our new flavors of NutriSour Sour Patch Kids : Razzlematazzle Berry and Super Fly!
Our plans this week were pretty crazy and I am glad I was able to get that off my chest. Sometimes I wonder if we get anything done, but Elder Sabin and I have been doing better each day as we try and try again.
p.s. Mother Thanks for all that you do! TYPOS PLEASE!!!