Letter From Kelson - Week # 76 - Pome-grenade Shenanigans!!! - Kicking off Fall the right way, by putting my best foot forward! ;)
Good Morning From Sunny California!!! (Shout out to Elder Eichelberger for the title!)
Hey you! I am so sorry it has been forever, but you know how it is, when you are just so popular like me, you never have time to tell people what is really going on because your attention is taken else where... Just Kidding
Last week, I went to a place called Coloma! It is the place where Gold was first discovered in California that caused the 1849 rush of the Ages! Anyway, we went, we saw, and I came home with enough money to pay for my whole life...If I were to die this instant maybe, but then my family would have to pick up the bill. I really came home with nothing; sorry to all those who were expecting me to put them through school or anything, I am just not meant for Gold Panning. Thus, I returned home around 5 and had no time to write a letter telling you about the massive amount of fun that I had.
Now you are probably scratching your head wondering why the name of this letter is so long and crazy, just like the writer of these extraordinarily long novels that seem to take up all of your time, causing a huge financial burden on your families because you are late for work due to your total enslavement to the words written on this page. Stop scratching! You might cause some permanent brain damage once you hit the brain stem. I want to tell you two stories, one will make you laugh, and I think the other may make you cry. Plus, I will have to pound these out in like 20 mins so please enjoy as my fingers catch fire and I will not be able to write next week.
It was a nice cool morning, which really means that it was somewhere around 80 degrees because my thermometer broke last summer, when the war between missionary and delicious fruit began. There was no warning, there was no cause, but the fruits of the nation were fed up with the poor treatment they receive from the missionaries who love to consume them oh so much! YUM!!! Oh sorry, I got sidetracked thinking about food. Anyway, The leaders of this revolt were the tenaciously devious and somewhat obese Pomegranates of California, not to be confused with the skinny, lame, and quite unappetizing Pomegranates of Southern Ohio that I have yet to try because I was lame. These devious sons of a fruit basket where in the process of being devoured by a non-missionary who loves them and loves the sweet nectar of their seedy centers. He was waiting patiently for his initial strike, but he knew that the missionary couldn't help but try and help the innocent bystander that was slowly sucking away his life force. The missionary reached forth and said "Hey! I would love to help you with that!" He grabs the pomegranate, he holds it firmly in his hand and pulls back his Hulk hands of Smashing to give it a quick smash to open it up for a faster death. The Pomegranate was desirous for this to happen, all his nights waiting to return the favor of losing so many friends to the stomachs of loving missionaries were about to come into real time play. With his body somewhat already open, he builds up pressure, and then when the Smash of the Missionary's hand comes down on the fruit, he releases his built up anger and resentment and Shoots his inner workings all over the missionary's tie and shirt! As the missionary stands in awe and amazement he looks down at his now defeated foe, who smiles back at the missionary knowing that he has now served his purpose and is now resting in peace. The pictures were taken of the crime scene and the missionary is now being prosecuted for the slaughter of a delicious fruit, maliciously, but the courts are rejecting the pleas so the Missionary is off, unjudged, but the memories of that sad day still linger in his heart every time he sees that white shirt coated in sweet delicious nectar. He feels remorse, and has since apologized to the family of the dead pomegranate, but then he ate the family too.
What do you think? Don't answer that. Well, I am out of time so the next story will have to wait till next week!
We are having great success here in the Sacramento YSA Branch and I have got to say that the Lord has blessed us with great people, great opportunities and happiness all in one wave of delight. This weekend we are going to be able to see the Baptism of one Kylie M, who is so solid, she answered all of the Baptismal interview questions so perfectly that my jaw has yet to recover since last Tuesday when she was given the interview. We also are being blessed to see another baptism next week. Joshua T is being baptized on the 19th and he is the biggest man I have ever seen! He wears a size 24 shoe and just towers over us. He is pretty legit, he has all the right questions and all the right desires. Man, we are just being blessed left and right. I guess I need to work harder to make the work progress. I have my work cut out for me, Well back to the old grind stone, and I will tell you the story of "Kicking off Fall the right way, by Putting my best foot forward!"
P.s. Mom! I love you, in between your puddle jumping, please correct my typos!!! Love ya